Olivia Wilson - Newsletter
Newsletter 2009
Dear Friends,Thank you so much for praying for a breakthrough in my illness – it has finally come! In June test results revealed that I had high levels of lead and that I was not digesting my food properly. Somewhere I drank water from lead pipes and the lead, a toxic metal, accumulated in my body. As I travelled a lot, it is difficult to know where this happened. Test results also showed that my sugars and starches were fermenting into alcohol, causing low blood sugar and that my proteins were putrefying. So, my body has neither been properly absorbing nutrients nor properly getting energy from my food, causing the frequent hunger and confirming what I and friends had suspected for years.
I started treatment in June, but already I have more energy. I took tablets to bind with the lead in order to flush it out of my system – recently, the second test showed that the lead level has dropped substantially. To heal my digestive system, I am taking various supplements as well as cutting out diary, gluten, sugar and yeast and have no starch after lunch(!). It is a difficult diet but having more energy makes it worthwhile and it is short term until my digestive system heals. Previously, I said that perhaps the way God has answered prayer was by giving me the strength to persevere, despite all the knocks. Over the years, I wanted to find the root cause of my illness rather than blindly treating symptoms. Perseverance has paid off, as I am improving now that the specific problems are being treated. Prior to these findings, three Christian women who had M.E. /CFS contacted me, two I had not previously known. One had fully recovered (Deborah); the other two were significantly improved. Their stories were similar - they had problems with their digestive systems and either high levels of lead/mercury in their bodies. They improved significantly when these things were treated. So, before I got these results, God was giving me the hope that I will get better and guiding me that this was the route to take for my recovery.
Deborah in the U.S. fully recovered through treatment from a special clinic and both of us were praying that God would enable me to get similar treatment. I then learnt of a doctor in Kildare who would do so. Initially, I was uncertain about going to him for various reasons, but put my name on the 3 month waiting list and prayed for guidance. One day when out walking, I asked God if I should to write a letter about my case to this doctor to speed things up…, or ask for a cancellation at any time…, or talk to my G.P. about my reservations. After my walk I went into my bedroom where my mobile phone started ringing – it was this doctor’s secretary asking if I would take a cancellation appointment the next morning! I had an appointment after waiting 3 weeks instead of 3 months! This doctor did more specialised tests which showed the above results. Are you making a decision about something but because of reservations or negativity, you are tempted to dismiss things? Keep praying for God’s guidance with an open mind as He may have something important to do in your life through the very thing you are tempted to dismiss.
In my last letter, I asked for prayer regarding a referral to a consultant in Northern Ireland last December. In July, he told me that I was not covered for treatment there as I am from Southern Ireland. I am thankful for how God stepped in and lead me to this other doctor at the end of April. I also give thanks for the naturopath doctor of a Swiss friend, who drove for several hours when on holiday in Ireland, in order to treat me and bring me medicines from Switzerland.
After circumstances looking bleak last year, God showed me how He can quickly change things and I praise Him for the breakthrough. Over the past months, I have been challenged to use God’s promises in Scripture when praying and in faith give thanks that He will fulfil them as He does not lie. Noela Richards in “Women Who Shine” says “The Word is anointed. It is a living force and as we declare it in prayer, we are praying out the will of God – His highest and His best for us…God responds to faith. He responds to our trust in His ability.” I am not fully recovered yet but I am trusting God for complete deliverance from this illness. I am also learning the importance of being positive and keeping my focus on God. When David faced Goliath, he did not deny the problems but was positive as he saw them from the perspective of God’s presence (1 Samuel 17). H. & R. Blackaby in “Experiencing God”, say that when we focus on God, we can see our situations in the proper perspective, and be assured that all things are possible with Him (Philippians 4:13). The Israelites spent 40 years wandering in the desert because instead of trusting God’s promises in regard to entering the Promised Land, they focused on the problems (Numbers 13;14). I do not want to lose out on all that God wants to give me or do in my life because of unbelief.
A few months ago, I was thinking about Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane and three things stood out – Jesus’ humanity, his honesty and the response of the disciples. Firstly, Jesus was not only undiminished deity, He was also true humanity, subject to the identical feelings we have. In the garden of Gethsemane, His humanity gushes out. Troubled, distressed, and grieved beyond words, He wrestled in prayer asking that if possible, he would not have this time of suffering but in submission, also prayed that His Father’s will be done, not His. (Mark 14:33-36). Jesus didn’t merely offer a brief prayer before facing the excruciating suffering of His crucifixion. As Chuck Swindoll points out in “Behold the Man!” Jesus was not an unemotional robot, “who went through this divine appointment without any human apprehension or anguish”. This spoke to me as I seeing a theme in the Bible where people’s raw emotions led them to cry out to God and work through their suffering in prayer – here Jesus was no different. While God’s sovereignty brings comfort in suffering, sometimes the words “God is in control” can become a cliché, - with the expectation that there is no emotional struggle dealing with it. The reason Jesus came to earth was to die on the cross for sinners, He knew that God His Father was in control but still, in his humanity He wrestled emotionally with His horrendous suffering. After wrestling in prayer, He saw that the only way through was the way of the cross, and with a submissive attitude, He resigned to it (Mark 14:41-42). Secondly, Jesus in His honesty, brought Peter, James and John, face to face with all His human emotions. Swindoll asks why He would want them to be near Him when often the human inclination is to retreat from others when overwhelmed – to hide such feelings. Swindoll answers this question by noting that even in His torturous struggles; Jesus modelled a life of realistic authenticity. “He freed them from the temptation to deny their own agonising feelings in future years,” writes Swindoll. This spoke to me, as I have been honest with you when I have been discouraged, rather than hide behind a façade of super spirituality.
Thirdly, the response of the disciples: Jesus initially only made one request of these 3 friends - to remain there and keep watch (Mark 14:33-34). Jesus’ body language showed that He was distressed but He also bluntly told them so. As Jesus prayed in anguish, an angel appeared and strengthened Him (Luke 22:43). I thought about how the disciples could have supported Jesus by praying for Him but they fell asleep unable to do what Jesus had asked. I am really grateful for those of you who prayed for me throughout this illness. Jesus returned and told them to pray that they will not fall into temptation – probably the temptation to defect, which they fell into. Swindoll notes that an excellent principle of life is implied here. Capitalise on times of peace and prosperity to prepare yourself for the inevitable tests of hardship and heartache. David Jeremiah in referring to his book “A Bend in the Road”, said everyone will face suffering at some stage in life, either they have been through it, are going through it or will go through it in the future. H. & R. Blackaby in “Experiencing God”, note that if we are spiritually prepared when a crisis comes, we will not have to try to instantly develop the quality of relationship with Christ that can sustain us.
I am now 7 years home from the DOULOS – it has been really difficult to be ill for all this time. I now know that for years my body has been trying to run on very little energy, as it has not been absorbing food properly. In 2002, I discovered that I had a parasite; it was successfully treated then but probably in my body for a few years and would have put a further drain on me. Life on the Doulos was very demanding and considering these things and the toxins in my body, no wonder I have been ill. I really appreciate your prayer support and please pray that I will make a complete recovery and for wisdom for my doctors. I still get tired and still get days when I am drained but overall I am a lot better. I even had to change my glasses because my eyesight has improved! However, like the rest of the muscles in my body, the muscles in my eyes are weak and I have to do exercises to strengthen them. I would thus value prayer in the following specific areas: Pray that my digestive system would heal up soon and that I will start absorbing my food properly. I continue to be frequently hungry and thus eat a lot but I have been losing weight on this diet and I cannot afford to lose any more. For good quality sleep because if my problems with sleep where sorted, it would make a major impact on my recovery. Pray for ongoing motivation and discipline to exercise and that my muscles would get stronger. I walk 30 minutes most days and looking at the possibility of getting swimming lessons to strengthen my muscles. For energy to do several organisational and computer projects. One of them is putting my 1000+ photos from my time on the DOULOS in albums. To do such things would give me a great sense of accomplishment and progress. That out of my own suffering, God would use me to minister to others who suffer.
I hope this letter will be an encouragement to you, if you have been praying for years about something, don’t give up hope but keep praying, the answer may be around the corner…
With my love and appreciation,
Olivia
Newsletter
Dear Friends,I apologise that it is a few years since I last sent a newsletter and I want to thank you for your continued prayer support. I continue to be unwell with M.E. or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) as it is also called and I left correspondence to one side for awhile due to the illness. My main symptoms are extreme fatigue and muscular pain. In hindsight, I see that my energy levels have been low for the past 7-8 years. However, upon finishing my commitment on the DOULOS in September 2001, the illness became debilitating. I have since been unable to work and it has been a struggle to do many basic things due to the pain, low energy and other symptoms. There has been slight progress over the years although I continue to have pain and low energy.
From the beginning of this illness, my desire has been that God s purposes in allowing this illness would be worked out. God is in control and my life is yielded to Him. Over the years, it has been difficult coping with the illness and I have wondered what those purposes could be. However, I have been learning to trust that whatever God does, it makes sense even when it doesn t humanly make sense. Along with the physical difficulties of the illness, I have struggled in other ways and I will share in this newsletter what I have learnt through some of those struggles.
Squandered Years? One of the struggles I have had is to be ill for years and with being unable to do many things because of this illness, to feel that my life is passing by. However, I realise that God s economy of time is very different to ours. He sometimes permits our years to be "squandered" or so it would seem. For example, after David was designated to be king of Israel, God allowed Saul to chase David into the wilderness where he spent 14 years on the run for his life. From a human perspective it was an enormous waste of youthful years, yet the Lord had David right where He wanted him and that experience was preparation for his future role as king. Likewise Joseph spent years going through trials his entire life was a shambles until the triumphal reunion with his family. There was no indication that God explained to Joseph during the trials how the pieces would eventually fit together. What pleased God was Joseph s faithfulness when nothing made sense. Through all Joseph s trials, God was working His purposes and plan out. While I don t understand why I have to go through these years of suffering I trust that God is working His plan out in my life.
When God is Silent. In the spring of last year, I felt like I was going through the mill. I had constant pain, sore muscles, and constant headaches. Along with these and other symptoms, I was weak and unable to concentrate on reading and prayer as well as being too drained to go out. As well as the physical struggles, God seemed far away at the time when I most needed comfort and encouragement. With the illness continuing for years and in the midst of suffering it was difficult to see answers to prayer. On reflection after I got stronger, I realised that David and Job were also distressed when they went through a time when God was silent and His presence was hidden from their view. David asked "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" (Ps 13:1; see also Ps 77:7-8 and Job 23:2-9). James Dobson in his book "When God Doesn t Make Sense," says that these and other biblical examples help us understand a critically important spiritual phenomenon most believers are permitted to go through emotional and spiritual valleys that are designed to test their faith in the crucible of fire. The determination to believe when the proof is not provided and when the questions are not answered is central to our relationship with the Lord. Philip Yancy has said The kind of faith God values seems to develop best when everything fuzzes over, when God stays silent, when the fog rolls in.
Furthermore, God s presence is not inconstant. It's our perception of Him that changes. Human perception and emotions are unreliable and even when God seems far away and uninterested in our affairs, He is close. I came to realise that I must never assume God s silence or apparent inactivity as evidence of His disinterest. Rev. Reubin Welch once said "With God, even when nothing is happening something is happening."
Hope. M.E. /C.F.S can last for several years but the recovery time varies with each individual with the illness. At one time when going through a bad patch I felt discouraged and close to losing hope. However, I realised that if I let go of my hope I would sink into despair. It was at that time I came to realise that even though I am physically weak, it is the inner strength of God's spirit that enables me to keep hoping, to keep pressing on in the illness, to keep believing that one day I will be well again. In Psalm 73:26 the Psalmist said "My heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Prayer and God's Timing. The story of Mary, Martha and Lazarus in John 11 teaches me about prayer and God s timing in answering prayer. The sisters sent a message to Jesus informing Him that Lazarus was sick. Jesus initially responded by not doing or saying anything. However Jesus' silence was not denial but rather a purposeful delay. Jesus visited the sisters after Lazarus had died and was buried. In the days preceding the arrival of Jesus it must have seemed to Mary and Martha that Jesus had abandoned them. However, Jesus only appeared overdue when in actually fact He arrived at the precise moment necessary to fulfil the purposes of God. Jesus wanted Mary and Martha to trust Him while they waited for Him to respond and to trust Him even when Lazarus was buried, when the situation seemed hopeless on a human level. Likewise Jesus asks us to have faith when our situations seem hopeless and helpless for He is our hope and help. What struck me about that story was that Jesus worked in that situation after Mary and Martha had brought their circumstances before Him in effect it was a prayer. Indeed, Jesus worked in a way that was beyond what the sisters could ever have imagined. I have been challenged in other ways about the importance of prayer and of continually praying for my healing. I am specifically praying that it will be soon but in the waiting for the answer, I also trust God in His timing.
God s Plans. We never know ahead of time the plans God has for us. Ours is a walk of faith not sight. In Rom 11:33, we read that God judgments are unsearchable and His ways are unfathomable. In the final analysis, God is in charge; He knows what is best and does all things well. As Job said "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (Job 2:10). Everything that happens, including the things we cannot explain or justify, is being woven together like a beautiful piece of tapestry. From this earthly side it seems blurred and twisted. But from heaven's perspective it has an incredible pattern. Best of all, it is for God's glory. Right now, it seems so confusing, but someday the details will come together and make good sense.
Your Help. I would value your help in two ways. Firstly, please keep praying. Please pray for my healing. Pray for patience, a positive attitude and encouragement to keep pressing on as I cope with the illness. Pray that I will learn what God wants to teach me and that I will be moulded into the person God wants me to be - for God is the potter and I am the clay. Please also pray that my relationship with God would deepen and that God would be glorified in and through my life. Secondly, please keep in touch. At times when going through bad patches in this illness, I have felt isolated and lonely as I have been too drained to go out or get in contact with friends. I need your friendship and encouragement as I go through this illness. If you don't hear back from me straight away when you write, it's probably because I am not able, but please know that I still appreciate your contact and I will reply as soon as I can. If I don t have your phone number, please send it as I find that telephoning is easier for me and I can phone a lot of countries quite cheaply. My contact details are the following:
"The burden of suffering seems a tombstone hung about our necks, while in reality it is only the weight which is necessary to keep down the diver while he is hunting for pearls."
Jean Paul Richter
Thank you so much for your friendship and prayers, I very much appreciate your support.
With kindest regards,
Olivia Wilson